Red Line, Chicago, IL

A man wearing a colorful 80s windbreaker, mismatched high socks, and comically large white sneakers entered a red line train this Tuesday evening during rush hour and was so moved by his own tunes, blaring through his knock-off Beats headphones, that he couldn’t hold back a little ditty.

According to the man, whom we tracked down using a Snapchat video taken the night of the incident, the whole train car was completely enamored by his beautiful voice.

“Oh yeah dog, yeah yeah. They were tappin’ their feet and one time somebody clapped even... And also smiling, yeah LOTS of smiling. I think I really made an impact on them and you know, that’s what life is about man,” said 32-year-old Blake deMusic Winters, who identifies as a professional cover artist.

“Professional cover artist means I get on the train every day and sing for a living. And I mean I sing everything you know, just depends on the day. Christmas music in winter, early 2000s jams in the spring, I can even skat for those chill days.”

When asked to speak on his so-called following, Winters says “oh yeah they eat it up. I know cause there are a couple key reactions I look for. Like for example, If they’re whispering to each other that means I’ve just TOTALLY stunned them with my talent they can’t even speak. When their eyes widen, they just can’t believe that angelic voice is coming from this body. Oooh and my favorite is when they put their headphones in right away after hearing me sing, it means they love my song choices and can’t wait to listen to what I’m singing. That one happens all the time, I guess you could say I have really good taste in music.”

Winters claims he can call himself a “professional” because he is paid in love from his followers. No further information was found on Winters’ financial status.

As for Blake’s future, he says he plans on continuing to sing each and every day for the commuters on the red line “I know I’m making people happy every day with my stunning perfect amazing incredible God given talent so ima just keep doin’ me.” Blake DeMusic then screeched out the words “bye bye bye” as originally made popular by 90s sensation *NSYNC, and hopped on another train with a grin from ear to ear, looking forward to another day of impacting the lives of commuters the only way he knows how.

— A Well-Mannered Grump