Hartford, CT

“She Knows… I’m Scum… And She Knows“

“She Knows… I’m Scum… And She Knows“

Phil McMan sat in the office of a well established insurance company hoping to score a high paying job with benefits this past Monday. McMan was eager, resume in hand when he was greeted by the woman who would be interviewing him. That’s when it hit him. McMan couldn’t get it out of his head. Phil McMan was absolutely convinced that this woman knew that he ate ass for the first time last night.

While there was no hard proof that the interviewer Rebecca Robinson knew anything of the ass eating, she did pick up on a few breadcrumbs as the interview progressed. Below is a transcript of the aforementioned interview.

Robinson: Thanks for coming in today, would you like anything to eat or drink?

McMan: Huh, what, eat? No. I don’t eat. Uh. I mean… I’m full. From food.

Robinson: Ummm okiedokie then. So we’ve looked over your resume and you seem like a good fit. You are a little young. Are you experienced enough for a managerial position?

McMan: Experienced? Position? Did you say venereal?

Robinson: Umm. No. I’m sorry do you need a moment?

McMan: No! No! I’m fine… I’m fine.

Robinson: Okay. Why don’t you ask me something about the company.

McMan: Okay! I can do that. Sure, no problem… What… are … the benefits yah that a good one. What types of benefits packages do offer?

Robinson: Good question.

McMan: You know insurance packages. Insurance benefits. This is an insurance company after all! Haha. 

Robinson: Riiiiight. Can I ask you something?

McMan: Suuuure?

Robinson: You mind getting your head out of your ass for this interview? I’m really behind on hiring and i need you to work out.

McMan: I’ve never eaten ass what do you mean?

Robinson:... What… do… you… mean.

McMan: Ummm I’d like to have a good explanation, but I don’t. I ate ass for the first time last night and I was nervous.

Robinson: You were nervous because you thought I knew you ate ass last night?

McMan: Yes…

Robinson: Why would you be nervous the insurance industry is full of brown-nosers!

Well folks, sometimes a story wraps up nicely and with a bow. We’re happy to announce that the Travelers Insurance Company found itself a new Media Marketing Manager and he goes by the name of Phil McMan. Around the office however, they just affectionately call him shitface.

-A Well-Mannered Grump