Mount Carmel, IL

Suzy Bishop Not Havin None Of This Shit.

Suzy Bishop Not Havin None Of This Shit.

The state of Illinois is often just referred to simply as Chicago by visitors. Alas, Chicago only makes up 234 of the 57,915 square miles in the great state of Illinois and some towns don’t lean so far left on the political spectrum as they do in the windy city. Mount Carmel is one of these towns and when your name is Suzy Bishop and you type “www.cnn.com isn’t so bad” and post it to your Facebook feed, you can expect some serious backlash from the pinochle playing community.

Suzy Bishop posted her feelings about the left-wing news outlet in a very public way Monday morning and in doing so, she sealed her own fate. You see the cool moms have a pinochle club held the second Monday of every month and they just recently starting inviting Bishop into their “inner circle”. What comes to you however, can go away in the blink of an eye or, in this case, a click of a button. 

It was Donna Salazar’s turn to play the role hostess this month and so when Bishop walked up Salazar’s marble steps Donna greeted her. The interaction between the two women was brief but loud. Below is an exact transcript of the conversation that we overheard from our headquarters in Chicago.

DS- Hi Suzy, Hi. I’m sorry you can’t be here.

SB- What?

DS- So pretty much all the women in the club think you’re like one of those man-hating feminists that want to steal our babies because you typed “www.cnn.com isn’t so bad” on Facebook and now no one knows what the fuck you are anymore. I mean we hide under the shield of the term “moderate” so we can kinda seem like we’re better than everyone we talk to that decided to choose a side and have an opinion. Haha ya, so you’re gonna have to gooooooo oaakkyyyy!


So Suzy has no friends and the friends that kinda agree with her are too afraid to be excommunicated to stand up for Suzy because then they would have to face the reality of being alone with a menial job living in Mount Carmel, Illinois. 

Suzy hopes to be able to engage her community in discussion moving forward but, she also just downloaded a pinochle app on her Microsoft Surface Go. Fingers crossed she doesn't start sharing every headline she thinks she agrees with without reading the article or trying to see the point of view of the other side even if it is hard and confusing. BECAUSE THAT’S HOW WAR STARTS!

-A Well-Mannered Grump