But... Man Couldn't Have Committed Crime, Man Has Two Daughters And A Wife

Evanston, IL

Copy of Copy of Copy of 35 (21).png

On the morning of September 12th, Frank Darnold (55)  was accused of “very bad crime”. This took the Evanston community by surprise because Darnold was for his whole life an upstanding citizen and had never committed “very bad crime” before, plus, he has two daughters and a wife. GEE McGEEE GIVE ME A BREAK!

Everyone knows no man who is a father to a daughter can do even an ounce of wrong… right? Well, apparently some people aren’t privy to such common knowledge and still accuse fathers of daughters of “very bad crime”. Unbelievable!  While we’re optimistic that this paternal hero will find the liberation he deserves... until then we still have a responsibility to keep the people up to date on the alleged “very bad crime”. 

The scene of the crime was a “very spooky place” which we don’t know how Darnold even knew how to get to, given that Darnold was a married man with children. A MARRIED MAN WITH CHILDREN SHEESH! Anyway, the weapon of choice was a “very illegal object” which apparently, Frank Darnold was supposed to have known how to buy on the “very dark web”. The man has two daughters! WHERE WOULD HE FIND THE TIME! The police say they have “very clear photo evidence” of Mr. Darnold committing “very bad crime” but, we just don’t buy it. We’ve attached the so-called photo evidence so you can make a judgment call for yourself. 

Darnold has been taken into questioning at the Evanston police office. We expect him to be released soon given that he is a man with a family and a family with money at that! Keep your fingers crossed that this helpless victim is set free as soon as possible.

-A Well-Mannered Grump