Patrick Star Can't JUUL For Shit! What Does He Live Under A Rock Or Something?

We’re Not In Bikini Bottom, Anymore

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The school year is underway at Farmington High School and the “cool cats” have already separated themselves from the “total ass-wad losers”. Among the latter is a new student, Patrick Star who has really made a fool of himself on day one when he put a JUUL in his mouth backward. In the words of the volleyball team captain Sasha Rice, “the dude can’t JUUL for shit! It’s like he’s lived under a rock or something”.

Yes, the once lovable cartoon starfish is now the laughingstock of Farming High. He makes the rest of the students embarrassed to wear the white and maroon. The scene of the crime was Mrs. Thompson’s homeroom, room 302. 

“JUUL’s aren't allowed to in school obviously, but I like to be the fun teacher so I let some things slide during homeroom. Sometimes the kids use vaporizers and I look the other way. Normally the kiddos are discrete and respectful but, the other day, a commotion began in the back of the class, I investigated, and man oh man this starfish tried to use a JUUL upside-down. He deserved any and all ridicule he received.” said Mrs. Thompson.

“The dude just obvi can’t hang.” said Sk8er boi and vape god Seth Thomas.

When we asked Star how he is holding up among the turmoil he had the following to say. 

“Is a JUUL an instrument?”

-The Well-Mannered Grump