WOKE GRANDMA REFERS TO LONG-TERM GAY PARTNER AS 'VERY SPECIAL FRIEND'

Plenty of people are weird about gays.  But not local grandma, Deborah Schultz. Deborah  “loves the gays.” She loves them so much that she keeps referring to grandson, Sean’s long-time boyfriend James as his “VERY special friend.”  

“This is my grandson, Sean...and this is his very special friend, James,” said Deborah last year. “Their wedding is this weekend. They are VERY good friends.”

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Talk about woke! Deborah has watched her grandson struggle to marry the love of his life and achieve equal status both in the eyes of the law and among his family and friends for years, and she still can’t say boyfriend, fiancée or husband!  

Deborah, who would was in the room when Sean and James announced that they were in the process of adopting a baby, explained how woke she is.

“My grandson and his...very special friend are in the process of adopting a baby,” she said. “I don’t have any problem with those kinds of people. I love the gays!”

Wow! She just offered that up last part and no one even asked!

Meanwhile, Deborah wouldn’t stop sharing photos of granddaughter Hannah’s recent trip to Hawaii with her stupid Wall Street trader boyfriend, Geoff.

“SHE’S NOT WOKE!!” Said grandson Sean. “I overheard her one time on the phone saying ‘I don’t know why those people insist on causing such a ruckus.’ Also saying you love “the gays” doesn’t make you an ally. She’s sharing pics of Hannah and Geoff’s trip to Hawaii? Why does Geoff spell his name like that? No one should spell their name like that! Why are you writing this article?”

Powerful words from a thankful grandson.

“I am so okay with gay people,” Deborah said during a quiet moment when no one asked. “I am very okay with that lifestyle. You should hear my friend Wilma go on though. She hates gay people.”

It’s fascinating that her best friend Wilma, who is openly homophobic and transphobic and has a trans grandchild, is Deborah’s once again her best friend.

“Call me old fashioned, but why do your friends insist on wearing all that leather, Sean?” A brave Deborah asked. “ It’s interesting to me that  I’ve never seen your special boy buddy wear chaps to the house. Oh! Between you and me I think your aunt Emily married a gay, I say this because he loves Cole Porter, who I think might have also been a gay. Sean, you love Cole Porter, too don’t you?”


When pressed for a comment Sean had a lot to say!

“I don’t even know what you want me to say here, SHE’S NOT WOKE. Saying you love a marginalized group isn’t actually to allyship! She’s not validating my existence and experience doesn't make you an ally, just like saying you’re “ok” with trans people but using their dead name or incorrect pronouns means you don’t love trans people. I MEAN I FEEL LIKE I'M LOSING MY MIND HERE,” said Sean, who was actually wearing chaps.

— A Well-Mannered Grump