Brooklyn, NY

Tommy Smith in deep thought about his worth.

Tommy Smith in deep thought about his worth.

Thursday night Tommy Smith sat alone in a packed bar in Brooklyn. The Toronto Raptors basketball team were coming close to winning the NBA Championship. The team was led by superstar Kawhi Leonard and Canada’s team were close to taking down perennial powerhouse and series favorite, The Golden State Warriors. The game was neck and neck, 5 minutes to go, the score with in one possession, and then Smith asked the bartender… “Hey man can you switch the TV back to “The King of Queens?”

Patrons of 4th Down Sports Bar were reported to all simultaneously whip their necks around to get a look at Smith. “What?” bellowed Smith squeamishly.  “I just wanna watch “The King of Queens.” Kevin James and Ben Stiller’s dad’s “The King of Queens?” Pedestrians exiting the McDonald’s across the street soon after saw a 32 year old aspiring Amazon employee take flight and land ass first on the warm sidewalk that signified the nearing of summer.

“It was pretty miraculous to see a man as… I mean I don’t want to say fat and ugly but… heavy and attractive just flat out fly like that.” said drunk hipsters walking by at the time. Similar occurrences have taken place in the past. Our records show in 2015 A wine drunk mom once requested to turn “The National Dog Show” off and replace it with reruns of “The King of Queens. The most egregious offense however took place last year during Thanksgiving weekend. King of Queens was on and a real piece of work asked to change the channel to “Kevin Can Wait”, which is apparently not exactly the same show as “The King of Queens.”

We wish a speedy recovery for Tommy Smith. Not because we support his media intake priorities but rather because we know “The King of Queens” will be on in his hospital room. We hope you get healthy and discharged as soon as possible you freak.

-A Well-Mannered Grump