“DID YOU CUM?" SAYS MAN, WHO SHOULD PROBABLY KNOW BY NOW

The Happy Couple.

The Happy Couple.

A 30-year-old Manhattan woman named Sarah Best just watched her boyfriend cum. Afterwards he plopped down next to her and said, “did you come already?”

Sarah’s boyfriend, Alex Karol, also 30, who has been sexually active since he was 18, still doesn’t know if his sex partner came? Everyone close to the couple can agree that after 12 years of sexual activity he should probably know by now.

“On the one hand it’s nice that he is thinking about me, but on the other hand, seriously?”  Said Sarah.

For his part, Alex haphazardly attempted to finger Sarah, however was unaware that he was fondling her left labia and not her clit.

Most likely, Alex assumed that just slapping Sarah’s genitals around would provoke one of the following responses: a) It’s fine don’t worry about it or b)yeah I already came.

He was more or less right.

“I don’t think he realizes that if I had cum, he would know. Also, I’m not really in the mood to say ‘no Alex that’s not my clit, it’s actually my asshole’ tonight,” added Sarah.

Though this was certainly not the first time Sarah lay awake sexually unsatisfied while Alex either fell asleep or played solitaire on his huge iPhone, she did think about how Alex had been sexually active for 12 years, yet still doesn’t know if his partner achieved orgasm.

“12 years! 12 years ago there was so such thing as Obama! PEOPLE THOUGHT MODERN FAMILY WAS WOKE! That’s how long 12 years is!” Said Sarah.

When Sarah and Alex first started dating Sarah figured that she wasn’t finishing because Alex was shy...or something.

We spoke with Alex’s first girlfriend, Polly, to see what Alex was like sexually when they were dating 12 years ago.

“Holy shit, he’s still asking that question?” Said Polly. “I owed that behavior to him being young and inexperienced, and me not knowing what I could and couldn’t ask for in bed. Thank god I figured out I was gay...in my house we are a flush with orgasms. I have so many sometimes I wish I would hand some out to the less fortunate straight women I know. Maybe I should talk to him. I’m not going to do that because I have other things to do, but boy does he need to wake up. 12 years is a long time. Did Obama exist back then?

Sarah has admitted that she relies more on her Babeland vibrator than her human sex partner to get hers.

“12 years! Al Gore won an Oscar! Al Gore! I’m pretty sure he’s dead now or something,” Sarah said.

-A Well-Mannered Grump