MIDDLE AGE MAN RUNS A LITTLE FASTER EACH TIME HE PASSES A GROUP OF HIGH SCHOOL BOYS.

Brian Knox Hauling Ass

Brian Knox Hauling Ass

Avon, CT

Every Sunday morning Brian Knox wakes up before his alarm that he set for 9:00 AM the night before to go on a 3 mile jog. He makes a cup of coffee eats a banana and by 10:AM he is out the door. It just so happens that Sunday at 10 AM is also the scheduled time for the High School track and field team to practice and it just so happens they have the same running route as Mr. Knox.

Within a minute or two after Knox began his cardiovascular conquest he could make out a group of boys coming over the crest of the hill he was about to trek up. As the boys grew closer and came into focus, Knox flashed back to his High School days when he was bullied for being overweight and slow. Without realizing it, he picked up his pace as the group of boys who truly seemed quite fast and built like real life adult men approached. The High Schoolers passed and eventually fizzled out of sight behind Knox. It was safe to jog at a comfortable pace again. Or so he thought.

Knox was now halfway up the truly monstrous hill when he heard footsteps and cackling. Seconds later emerged a second group of running boys coupled with a second flashback pubescent wrongdoings. Know again felt compelled to speed up as he approached the new group who did not seem as developed as the group before. This group were skin and bones, elbows and knees. They too eventually ran out of sight and again Knox thought he could relax. He was wrong.

Once more, as Knox approached the top of the hill, a group of boys waddled toward him. He had no gas left in the tank and this was only mile one of his adventure. He dug deep and accelerated once more. This group was different, Brian could feel it as he came closer. This group was overweight. This group was walking. Knox slowed down and walked, as did the group of boys. As their paths converged each gave a nod of respect to one another and went in their separate directions.

An exhale of relief. Brian Knox was now rested again after his short walk and began to jog. A smile was drawn wide across Brian’s face. He was at peace.

Then a sound.

An exceptionally high pitched gaggle of some unknown creature seemed to come from all directions. Knox looked around, panicked. Then he saw it a group of High School girls. Brian pivoted almost instantly after putting 2 and 2 together and sprinted back down the hill, into his house, and locking the door behind him. We asked him what he was feeling in the moment. He responded with the following, “I’m scared of High School boys and rightfully so they bullied me into a deep deep depression when I was younger. But High School girls are mind assassins with no regard for human life.”

-A Well-Mannered Grump