FUCKING ASSHOLE VOLENTEERS TO COACH BASKETBALL AND DOESN’T EVEN HAVE A KID ON THE TEAM BECAUSE HE’S INFERTILE

Acton, MA

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Johnathan Barkley has always dreamed of coaching his child's basketball team since his father coached him. Barkley turned the big 3-0 this past weekend and the big day was accompanied with some pretty sour news in the form of a phone call from his doctor. Yes folks, John Barkley is infertile.

When prompted Barkley had the following to say about his dream of coaching his kin in pee-wee basketball; “My father coached us kids because he loved me, of course. He also did it for the love of the game and to share the sport he cared so much about with the youth of Acton Massachusetts. I hope to still follow in his footsteps and win the parks and rec championship this season because even if I can’t see the smile on my little boy or girls face as they make their first basket… I can sure as hell help other parents do so.

While some parents thought this was sweet most just saw Barkley as a kiddie diddler pervert.

“I think it’s a sweet story and a convincing one at that, but I know my kid and ain’t NO waaaay in hell anyone in their right mind would offer up 10 minutes of any day to spend time with that weasel not to mention a full season when the kid is sweaty as hell.” commented Rex Cox father of Rex Cox III who is the team's projected starting shooting guard.

“That dude’s a diddler! No doubt in my mind. Riddle me this, diddle me that. That dude’s a diddler!” said Rex James father of Blake James the team's projected bench warming hype man.

“He’s kinda hot I think our husbands aren’t really nervous he’s a diddler but more that he might be a younger, hotter, and more caring version of them that can’t get us pregnant again…” Added Carol Sanchez, mother of Mark Sanchez who most parents think was a mistake.

Below is a Venn diagram made by “The Coalition of Rexes” that aims to prove once and for all that this dude is a diddler! It should be noted that all the fathers of the children on the team are named Rex.

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It seems in an attempt to settle their case “The Coalition of Rexes” have actually succeeded in proving just that they are worried this dude firing blanks might be the suburban “Mr. Steal Yo Gurl.

-A Well-Mannered Grump