El Paso, TX


Good morning America and congratulations on continuing your journey back to greatness, back to segregation, and back to inequality, ya know the good ole days. Yesterday we as a country took one step closer to greatness. We had our 251st mass shooting of the year in just 216 days. GOOD JOB AMERICA!

Since the lord and savior, Donald Trump took his seat in the Oval Office things just keep getting better. Can you even remember a time where a single person wasn’t willing to commit mass murder on his behalf? To be honest me neither! 

Yes, we meet our yearly goal of 250 innocent lives taken in record time but, the fun doesn't stop their folks. We... and I should say by “we” I mean of course only the true patriots who can see through the fluff and act in the name of God.

Yes, the fun doesn't stop there we’ve also managed to pack concentration camps full of lawbreakers and managed to get much of the mainstream media to support us! We have managed to promote the burning of Notre Dame as a larger world tragedy than the many countries who aren’t cool enough to have clean water. What a bunch of shitholes!  And last but not least… we’ve succeeded in raising the water level! Yay more pools! Pools of God!

So men and women and I mean that, the men and women are doing a great job. Take this as a pat on the back and get back out there and finish what you started! Personally, I think I’m going to watch the Oscar-winning film “Patton” to show my patriotism this evening while my wife cooks me dinner.

-A Well-Mannered Grump