Former Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz Abandons 2020 Presidential Ambitions, So Does Running Mate Pumpkin Spice Latte

Seattle, Or IDK Maybe Somewhere Else

Former Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz and very popular running mate Pumpkin Spice Latte officially announced an end to their 2020 bid for the oval office. 

Howard Schultz posted a letter on his website explaining the reasoning behind his and Pumpkin Spice Latte's decision. Those reasons being, general voter apathy, institutional roadblocks, and only being available seasonally in certain Starbucks locations. While Schultz/Latte still has an interest in changing the world for the better the pair feared that their campaign would only muddy the waters in a very fiery political landscape. 

An issue the Democrats faced in 2016 was split interest in the primaries pinning candidates of one side against one another. Here is what Pumpkin Spice Latte had to say on the topic, “I mean look, "If I went forward, there is a risk that my name would appear on ballots even if a moderate Democrat wins the nomination, I would take all the basic white girl votes away, and that is not a risk I am willing to take”.

Below we have an info-graphic detailing projected how basic white girls wearing high-waisted jeans and a local presence on Tik Tok would vote in 2020.

-A Well-Mannered Grump